Enjoy a Friday Smile

Friday Smile

I received this email via a friend and couldn’t help but want to share it with you. If I was a real keener, there would be a module for each tip. If you see any that you think we should delve into, please let me know. They do provide good brain fodder. Have a great weekend!

Vicki

Subject: Writing tips
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use itcorrectly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
32. Remember to never split an infinitive
33. The passive voice should never be used
34. Do not put statements in the negative form
35. Don't use contractions in formal writing, and don't use no double negatives
36. It is incumbent on one to avoid archaisms
37. Proofread carefully to see if you words out or incorect speling
38. It has come to our considered attention that in a large majority of cases, far too many people use a great dealmore words than is absolutely necessary when engaged in the practice of writing sentences
39. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of redundant repetition can be stamped outand removed by rereading and editing
40. A writer must not shift your point of view
41. If the writer is considerate of the reader, he won't have a problem with ambiguous sentences
42. Don't write a run-on sentence its hard to read you must punctuate it
43. If a dependent clause proceeds an independent clause put a comma after the dependent clause.
44. But avoid commas, that are not necessary, and don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
45. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't.
46. Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed
47. In particular, do not use apostrophe's for plural's
48. In statements involving two word phrases, make an all out effort to use hyphens, but make sure you hyp- henateproperly
49. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors
50. Always pick on the correct idiom
51. Avoid colloquial stuff, and trendy locutions that sound flaky
52. Also, avoid all awkward or affected alliteration
53. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all
54. Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity
55. Avoid the utilization of enlarged words when shortened ones are sufficient
56. Avoidification of neologisms strengthenifies your personification.
57. It is not resultful to transform one part of speech into another by prefixing, suffixing, or other alterings
58. Perform a functional iterative analysis on your work to root out third generation transitional buzz words
59. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck into the language
60. The de facto use of foreign phrases vis-a-vis plain English in your written tête-à-têtes makes the sentenceharder to understand
61. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing
62. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
63. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided
64. One will not have needed the future perfect tense in one's entire life
65. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is
66. Write all adverbial forms correct
67. Don't verb nouns
68. Verbs has to agree with their subjects, and the adverb always follows the verb
69. This sentence no verb
70. Which is not a complete sentence, but merely a subordinate clause.
71. "Don't use no double negatives".